This year I have learned so much from the beautiful children that surround me. I never thought my children and ones around me would change me the way they have.
Kenz has taught me to not take the little things in life for granted and the little things in life is what makes you happy sometimes. I would have never thought seeing her talk to another girl in dance would make me cry or playing outside at daycare with her friends. There are still times when Kenz having SM can be frustrating but I always step back and remind myself that it takes time. I know Kenz has so much to share and tell the world but right now, I have to help her do that. She has also taught me to not be so quick to judge others. One of the hardest things of SM is not everyone understands it and physically looking at Kenz, you wouldn't guess something was wrong. I find myself explaining to people a lot about Kenz. Strangers will come up to her and talk to her and then they find it rude when she ignores them and hides her face. I've had people withhold thing from Kenz until she says thank you or please. My first reaction is leave her alone and get out of her face!! But I remember she doesn't walk around with a sign around her neck explaining herself so I cannot judge others who don't fully understand her.
Jaxon oh Jaxon. I'm so grateful for carrying you until 38weeks. It was wonderful to enjoy a fullterm pregnancy. I cherished everyday we made it past 31wks. I am also thankful I was able to hear you cry after birth. It was the greatest thing to see a crying baby(who wasn't blue) and being able to kiss your forehead. Then around 3wks old you threw me through some hoops. The nurse literally running with you in her arms screaming for a respiratory is burned into my mind. We went through many obstacles while you were hospitalized for 3wks. When I had you fullterm I thought I would never have to deal with the ventilator and all the IVs because you were fully baked. But you showed me wrong. You might not of been born blue like sissy but I seen you go blue one to many times while in the PICU. I was thankful for the knowledge I gained from Kenz' NICU experience because it made the coping with Jaxon's PICU much easier. Seeing you take your first breath of the vent was amazing! I truly cherished the first moment I was able to try and breastfeed you again. Even though it was difficult because your throat was so swollen and you had an NG tube for 3wks, at that moment I knew everything was going to be okay and I had something the drs couldn't give you. I had the wonderful mommy milk and the comfort of nursing in my arm.
On November 20th 2010 I received some devastating news that a girl I knew from LLL meetings had lost her daughter. This was hard to hear especially since it was from abuse. Lily's death made me realize I sometimes take the little moments with the kids for granted. It reminded me to be more patient with the kids and to always live in the moment we are in. The night Kenz came home from OK she didn't go to bed til 1030(usually in bed by 830) and she wouldn't sleep by herself and then she woke up at 330am. Usually I would get frustrated because during that time I would also be woken by Jaxon to eat which means I would barely be getting any sleep. But instead of getting mad I enjoyed my cuddling on the couch with Kenz as we watched cartoons. I enjoyed her silly moments and hearing her laugh.
From all of these I have also learned to have more trust in my faith.
There is no better gift than our children, and the lessons they teach us. Like you, I have also reevaluated the way I react and respond to my girls after the loss of Lily Lynette. I don't think she or her family would have imagined the impact she would have on so many people. I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned from my little ones, Lily, and the other little people in my life. It is also a blessing to have the opportunity to get to know you better! I can't wait to continue reading about your journeys here.
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